Merry Christmas!

And a belated happy Hanukkah, and if you’re not a  Judeo-Christian sort of person, happy whatever-winter-solstice-type-holiday-you-celebrate. And if you’re the sort of atheist that I am, Merry Christmas.

I’m preparing to listen to the annual Nine Lessons and Carols from out of King’s College, Cambridge. As I’ve discussed before, this tradition is very near and dear to my heart. When I was a wee lass, I sang a series of Christmas concerts that adhered to this very format for something like 7 or 8 years. It instilled in me an abiding love for this stodgy old Anglican Christmas Eve service.

One of my most cherished memories is, when I was perhaps 11 or 12, singing the opening solo in Once in Royal David’s City. When I learned I’d be singing this special verse, my father told me something I’ll always remember: I was participating in a sacred ritual, and that I would forever belong to the collection of child choristers lucky enough to have the experience. Of course, I wasn’t singing at King’s College (my gender and location made that quite literally impossible, among other things), but I think I did a decent job. Additionally, I knew for for weeks prior to the concerts that I’d be doing the solo. Supposedly, the choir director points to a chorister minutes before the commencement of the service over in Cambridge. I guess the purpose of this practice is to minimize the nerves one might feeling in anticipating such an important and widely-heard solo but, if you ask me, that’d only exacerbate the issue. A part of me wishes that PH had done this so that my experience might have been closer to the real thing, but, knowing me, I’d have choked, sputtered, and suffered a massive heart-attack.

Nevertheless, like most of the experiences that I had while in Chorus Angelicus, it was both formative and beneficial, and something I’ll never forget.

Vote!

So here’s a photo of the coat that I mentioned in my previous entry:

What do you think, guys? Do I look ridiculous? Is it too 80s? Keep in mind that it actually looks a bit bulkier and a little less fitted than it might appear in this photo.

Thanks, readers!

P.S. Riley is lurking the background of this photo and she says hello.

Things I Must Do

Another bulleted list, I’m afraid. These are the things I must do before Christmas rolls around:

- Go. Shopping. As some of you know, I hate this activity with every fiber of my being. I hate it even more when there are veritable swarms of ravenous consumers, pushing and shoving each other and competing to devour the greatest number of expendable products. It’s Monday, and I’ll be going midday in the hopes that everyone will be slogging away at work prior to the holiday. I’m not going to buy a whole lot because…

- I will be making oatmeal chocolate chip cookies again this year. Last year I was a bit low on funds, and I gifted batches of these cookies to most of the special people in my life. Jimmy was in Colorado ’round this time last year, and he and I usually give gifts jointly. This year he’ll be around to make them with me. You can bet I made him promise not to bail on me. If he doesn’t help out, I have to promise myself that I won’t let the ingrate claim any credit.

- Help my grandmother make lasagna!

- Figure out what I’ll be taking to Finland, and how exactly to pack enough clothes into a carry on. Finnair has been striking an awful lot, and I’d prefer to avoid losing half my wardrobe. I did solve one issue, however, and that’s what sort of coat I’ll be wearing. My mom has this funky sheep skin coat that my dad gave her as a Christmas gift circa 1980, and she graciously handed it down to me. It’s really warm, but also really bulky. When I wear it, I look like a New Yorker/Siberian hybrid. I took a picture, so perhaps I’ll post it when I return home from work.

- Do some more sitting, internet surfing, reading, writing, movie watching, and skyping with my Finn!

Life is good.

Pleasant Things

- Being inside on a cool night with a fire raging in the furnace.

- Drinking coffee and listening to Kind of Blue and some random Nina Simone.

- Having nothing to do aside from read, write, listen to music, cruise the internets, and pine for a device with which I might play some video games.

- Watching a documentary on the historical Jesus, perhaps followed by some White Christmas, since it’s that time of the year.

- Having absolutely no reason whatsoever that I should make any effort to go to bed at a specific time. Having nothing to do and no obligations sure helps.

- Feeling Christmas-y and satisfied with life.

Life in The Fast Lane

I am officially done with this semester. It feels great. This was definitely my most academically challenging semester yet and, in a lot of ways, the most annoying, but it was without question the most rewarding. I learned a great deal about my strengths and weaknesses as a student, and, for the first time ever in my entire life, I actually enjoyed the work. Sure, there were many, many times when I’d rather be watching movies or screwing around on the internet, but since I no longer work for the after school program, I actually have time to thoughtfully consider those works of literature that I’m required to read.

And this blog may not demonstrate this, but I’m a pretty good writer. I find that those around me struggle to compose a decent paper, and that I somehow manage to excel at it, even when I think I’ve done poorly. A professor of mine has been really vigilant in telling me to dump the teaching program and to pursue a doctorate. In considering all these factors, I’ve left the teaching program for now and may return when I get my master’s. Otherwise, I’ll pursue a PhD and teach at the college level. I never really even thought about doing so before, but suddenly it seems like a viable option.

Another major change in my life has revolved around the country of Finland. Since Amy asked about it, and as I’m sure people are wondering, I’ll explain a bit.

I met a man that I care deeply about. The trouble is that he lives all the way in frigid Scandinavia. He came to visit me during my Thanksgiving break, and I’ll be spending two weeks in January at his abode in Finland. The most rational way of dealing with this situation would be to restrict our relationship to one of affection and friendship, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do so. He’s a wonderful man, and although the future of our relationship is uncertain and set against poor odds, I’m just going where the wind blows. And right now, it is sending a frozen breeze from the northeast to collect me and transport me to Finland.

Once again, it’s been a ridiculously long time since I last wrote. Incidentally, I’ve been doing more writing than I ever have before, but it’s been of an academic nature.

On that note, I am seriously considering the possibility of getting my PhD. It’s a bit early to make any decisions about that right  now, since I haven’t even completed my bachelor’s yet and am moving at a snail’s pace to do so, but the more I go through my schooling, the more it appears to be the obvious course of action. We shall see.

A short summation of my life over the past few months:

- In late August, I moved back in with my mom. I have enjoyed the time I’ve spent alone, reading, writing, listening to music, and otherwise living in solitude. It seems to be just what I needed.

- I’ve been doing a lot of schoolwork. I’m sick of it but, as much as I complain, I have enjoyed it, too.

- There’s a 99.9 percent chance that I will spend some of my winter break in Finland. I am extremely excited.

- Christmas is here, and I feel Christmas-y.

And that’s about it!

Now that school’s drawing to a close, I’ll probably write more often. If anyone even looks at this thing anymore, which I doubt!

Wow

It sure has been a long time since I last wrote! I mean, I’ve been known to take my writing respites, but I don’t know if I’ve ever exceeded a month before.

I’ve sort of had a lot going on, both good and bad, that I don’t feel ready to address in the blogosphere just yet.

I did want to post a poem, though, in case anyone had any serious criticisms for me. I don’t really like the poem so far because I think it’s rather cliched… but I see a lot of potential in it. I also really like the last line and, for that reason alone, I’d like to keep working on it. Here it is:

as the years of your life wear thinner

and the month of May is an instant

and the winter is still longer than the summer,

occasionally, when the winter of your heart rears in summer,

you must clasp it, warming the vesicles,

smoothing your palms over its surface,

without care for the blood that will stain your hands.

and the words of your father will ring in your ears as you console yourself,

or the wisdom imparted to you through the teachers, the priests, the wretched and destitute,

through your enemies and your elders,

they will be the assuagement through which you are salvaged.

It’s as yet untitled. I dunno, I’m going to keep working on it to see if I can tune it up a bit. I think, mainly, I need to improve the diction. Any suggestions would be absolutely adored.

Epiphany

I just now realized why people like to take macro shots of flowers. It’s because they look like tiny alien creatures, much more beautiful than we could ever hope to be.

When we see them close up, the veins that run through their petals, the textures that are reminiscent of skin, the bright faces, each one unique – we note similarities between us mammals and these flora that we might otherwise overlook. Still, the differences between us probably outnumber the similarities, and we are fascinated by them. They are as still as anything inorganic or deceased, but they somehow retain a vibrancy in shape and color that can only be found among living things.

Seeing macros of these pretty little things reminds us of just how strange they are, both because they are foreign to us, and because they are more like us than we expect.

More Pictures

Well, I finally got a couple of decent flower shots. I also continued my little cigarette series with a picture of my mother’s hand holding one. She has rather nice hands, so I thought it made for a nice picture (even though I don’t approve your habit, Mom!)

Overexposed, but I like it.

DrukQs

This album may be old news to some of you, but I’ve been listening to it a lot recently, and felt the need to write about it.

DrukQs is an album by electronic musician Aphex Twin. It is, in my estimation, his most interesting work. The double album contains several tracks with smooth textures and frenetic beats, but these are interspersed with some lovely pieces for prepared piano. These pieces are very reminiscent of the impressionists of the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

My friend Jes burned this album for me, thinking that I might appreciate it. I remember listening to it on my way home from her place in rural New England, wondering why anyone would make such a rambling album seemingly made up only of noises and self-indulgent electronic beats. I do, however, remember being quite freaked out by the haunting track “Gwely Mernans,” a track with a deafening, pulsating beat underneath a pitch-bending, echoed piano. Driving home on an empty road, surrounded by nothing but darkness and hanging trees is nothing short of frightening.

I listened to it a few times, and I enjoyed it, but only superficially. I put it away, and forgot about it almost entirely. I don’t remember much about the circumstances through which I came to revisit it, but, with each listening, I came to love it and appreciate its complexity more and more.

It is a strange album, and it won’t appeal to everyone. I submit to you, for your enjoyment or abhorrence, a few of my favorite tracks that are available on youtube:

First, here is my current favorite piano piece. It is the perfect soundtrack to a dreary, rainy day.

Here is one of my favorite frenetic tracks.

Here is a piece that I absolutely adore, played on what sounds like a carillon (although I suspect it’s actually a computer).

Bonus track! This piece is played on what sounds like a very, very prepared piano.

If you have any interest in these tracks whatsoever, I suggest that you get the album, totally neglect it for 6 months, and then revisit it whenever you feel the urge. You might find yourself surprisingly in love with it several years down the line.